Mama Talk - 5 Tips To Being A Happy Mama
- Tamara Efstratios Swan
- Apr 29, 2019
- 9 min read
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As I have switched over blogs I will be integrating old posts from my previous blog! So here was a post from October 2018, when Rei was 5 months old! ENJOY!
Hi Friends!!! How have you all been?! Just a little update with me! School is kicking my butt, but I am doing well! I actually took October-January off of school. I am finishing up my classes now that I got an extension for, and will not start my next round of courses until January! I took the time because Rei has made things just a tad difficult with his horrible sleep schedule. As I write this, I have him strapped into his Bumbo Seat (which we use as a highchair since we live in a small apartment) and he is yelling/babbling on because he's dropped his toy for the millionth time. Who is training who huh? As I pass it back to him for the millionth time. I am super thrown off today as normally on Sundays we wake up early get out grab a coffee at our favorite place in What's Brewin' Cafe in Beverly MA, followed by any last minute errands before coming home and starting meal prep. Meal prep takes us on average 2-3 hours sometimes. It truly depends if we end up prepping for my brother, sister, and cousin or not.
Since Rei hasn't been sleeping, neither have I and lately, I have been pretty much going crazy. I feel like I have so much going on, but I have managed to keep my head above water. As I feel overwhelmed I have found sometimes I just take Rei, sit him on my lap and talk to him. The little smiles and love that I get from him really do make my day. And although there are days that are so difficult, I wouldn't change it for the world. I want to give a shout out to all of the moms out there who are working hard, taking care of their kids and get up every day and get S**T done! Women really are amazing!
So I wanted to talk a little on being a "Happy Mom/Wife." I have noticed since having the baby; honestly, since being pregnant, I have the most amazing days where I feel so very blessed but every once and a while I have days where I feel like giving up. I have days where I feel like I am doing my absolute best and still failing. Being a new mom, no one explains to you that you are going to have constant mom guilt! I know I am doing a great job, my child is growing, he is healthy and happy, and most of all he is developmentally ahead of schedule. I know all of this yet still I question am I doing enough, am I a good mom, and am I making the right decisions? On top of mom guilt, I have wife guilt as well. I am so absorbed with the baby, school, and work; I wonder am I doing enough to keep my significant other happy, am I cleaning the house enough, cooking enough, are my bad moods weighing on him?
I am not sure if any of you other new mothers are going through the same thing, but if you are, I wanted to share with you guys some of the things I have been doing to help relieve the mom and wife guilt. Now it doesn't make it go away entirely of course, but it definitely helps. I also go to school full time (will start my break when course extension ends in 2 weeks), am currently taking a fitness nutrition certification, AND work full time running my own business! Implementing these things has also helped me to alleviate some of that stress as well! I hope this can help you guys the way it has helped me.
So one of the biggest things that has helped me is GET ENOUGH SLEEP! Now some of you may be saying "yeah right," I know better than anyone getting enough sleep is tough. Rei sleeps literally when he feels like it. He is still eating every 2 hours, and I am lucky if I get anything more than 2 hours at a time. I got to a point where I felt as though I was getting nothing done, so when Rei would nap, I would stay up and try to get things done. As time went on, I realized the quality of the work that I was doing when so tired was TERRIBLE! I also realized that I was extremely cranky and irritable when I was exhausted as well. I had way less patience with clients, Hunter, myself and even Rei. So I have started napping with Rei when I can even if it is only 20 minutes when he sleeps an hour or two. Somedays I go to sleep with Rei at 8 pm (this is when he does his longer spurt - give or take 2-4 hours) I will sleep with him during this spurt for even 2 hours just to get some sleep in then I will wake up and get 2 hours of work in! You have to just find the time. Remember sleep is ESSENTIAL for human health, and development! If you are trying to lose weight, get healthy, gain weight, or clear up your skin, SLEEP is essential for all of these!
The second thing is STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER MOTHERS! Listen being a mother is hard enough, comparing yourself and your baby to others is DANGEROUS! Some babies sleep through the night as early as two months some take as long as a year! Some mothers lose all their baby weight within the first three months of having a baby while others take a year or years and there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! Just because one of the women you follow on social media has dropped all of her baby weight what seems like overnight, or they are dressed with makeup and hair done within the first two weeks does not mean that you have to be the same! I fell victim to this when I looked at women who were four weeks postpartum and were back to exercise, but I wouldn't be cleared to work out for another eight weeks. I fell victim to this when my son went from sleeping through the night to only sleeping two-hour spurts! Hell, I went through this when I got spoken down to because I "made the biggest first-time parent mistake of all" and let Rei co-sleep with us in his Dock-A-Tot. I wore leggings or a bathrobe for the first two weeks! I wore the mesh panties that they give you in the hospital for the first two weeks. At four weeks I was still wearing spanks like panties because EVERYTHING hurt my incision. Finally, I realized I am truly giving this parenting thing my all, and my son is happy and healthy who cares what ANYONE else thinks! And I am okay with my weight loss taking a bit longer than expected because I am grateful for each and every pound/inch that I lose I am grateful for even the slightest changes because MY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL and has created and carried life itself! Do not compare your journey to someone else! Everyone's pregnancy is different, every baby is different, everyone's body is different, and every mother is different. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS! So long as you are taking the best care of your new little bundle of joy that you can, and you are taking care of your mental health you are doing great! So STOP thinking you have to be like this one and that one on social media!
Third; LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH. I know there are times that things are not funny. Times your days are so hectic. Days you are so tired you can't breathe. Well, I am here to say, "this too shall pass." Your child won't be at this age forever. Enjoy them. You will never be at this exact moment in life with your significant other again. Laugh at his jokes, joke back. Enjoy each other. Look at each other and tell each other one thing you appreciate about one another. At this very moment, I am running off of maybe 2 hours of sleep, I want to be frustrated with Rei, I want to be frustrated with Lexi (Our puppy), and I want to be frustrated with Hunter, but what is it worth? What is the point? It will never again be October 7th, 2018 at 8:00 pm while Rei is screaming while jumping around in his jumpy jump, Lexi is chewing my water bottle that I just finished, and Hunter is sitting on his laptop editing videos from my Booty Boot Camp. This moment will have come and gone, why spend it frustrated and angry with the ones who love you the most. I am not always good at this and don't get me wrong there are times where I am so overwhelmed it is hard to see through it. But pick and chose your battles; pick and choose them wisely. Let things go and laugh at things, especially after they happen. It may not have been funny at the time, but sit back reflect on your day and laugh about what made you the angriest that day. Dwelling and stewing on the events of the day that infuriated you won't undo them, it doesn't make them unhappen!
Fourth... GET ON A SCHEDULE! My schedule changes daily, so for a while unless I had to be up for work I would just get up when I wanted to. Then I would mosey around the house, maybe get Rei dressed finally hours later get myself dressed. Now I am not a morning person at all! Especially since Rei hasn't been sleeping, but getting myself and Rei on a schedule has worked wonders for me! Now don't get me wrong, there are days I still hit snooze and days we sleep in, but this is 100% something I am working on! Monday-Saturday my goals is to be up at the first alarm at 6:30. If Rei is sleeping I will let him continue to sleep, if not I will let him wake up with me. I get up, brush my teeth, shower if I didn't the night before, do my hair and get dressed and make my coffee. If it is a good day, Rei sleeps through all of this, and I wake him by 7:30 (depending on how he slept through the night). I start work by 8:00 am most days. Now, where I have been struggling the most is his afternoon naps. Ideally, he will go down for a short nap at 10:30 (30 minutes or so), a long nap at 1:30/2:00 (1.5-2.5 hours) and another short nap around 3:30 (again 30 minutes or so). Kids NEED structure they NEED a schedule! Well apparently so does Mama! I have found that when on a somewhat consistent schedule for a few days not only am I in a better mood and way more productive but so is Rei! Our days run more smoothly. No, I must say these days have been far and few apart lately, but I will keep trying! I am 100% consistent with his nighttime routine, and this has worked wonders to get him down for at least his only long stretch from 8:00 pm -12:00/1:00 am.
Lastly, my fifth tip! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! DO NOT STAY locked in the house! This is something that I did for the first month at least maybe longer. Hunter and I started going out to dinner, or for walks by month two thank god as it got us out of the house! Then by months 3/3.5, I started getting out of the house on my own with the baby on the days that I had off! Maybe it was just a drive to the park and a quick walk there or a drive to the mall, even just a drive to get a coffee! I don't care why you leave but get out of the house! For some of you the idea of leaving the house may be overwhelming, but so long as you have all of the essentials make sure you pack the diaper bag up good and GET OUT! I cannot tell you how much of a difference this makes! I needed to get out of the house because I began to feel like I was trapped.
Mama, take it easy on yourself! You are doing so much! You are doing an amazing job! Raising tiny humans isn't easy, but that's why it is our job to do it! Women can do ANYTHING! Stay posted this week I am really hoping to get another 2/3 blog posts out! I hope you all get a good nights rest this evening; it is looking questionable for me! Ha Ha Ha! Have a blessed evening!
PEACE LOVE & HAPPINESS. LOVE THE SKIN YOU'RE IN. #BBTE
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